I have had a long time to think about this, and I have decided that even though I’ve been hurt I refuse not to believe in love and joy. I no longer want the feeling of love, the mushy crap we see in movies and tv, I don’t want the feelings to be all that makes a relationship last. I don’t want a love like everything I’ve always tried. I want a love like Abraham and Sarah, a love filled with faith in God and each other, a love that after decades of marriage I can look at my wife and say that I have been called to something new and she will have the faith to follow me and love me in spite of how crazy it sounds. I want a love that will change me and the whole world, something that will rock the world. And if I am to do this I must let go of the part of me that wants to control my future. I must have the faith to know that some is being crafted and molded for me, just as I am being crafted and molded for her. I must be faithful and true to that which matters most, my god, my children and myself. I know this path is not for most people, but I also know that I am strong enough to walk this path. For the first time in my life I trust the strength and courage that God blessed me with. I have often wondered why I have been given this gift, the gift to hold others up while I crumble and fall apart, but recently I realized that I’m doing exactly what I was made for, and my strength is not for myself, it is placed in me for others, the strength for me cannot come from myself it must come from God and others. No one walks this world alone, and those who think that they do are prideful fools. If we humans were meant to be alone we would have been born with the ability to breed, we would simply self replicate and walk away. So I will follow the path in front of me, I will walk it with the people God has given me to hold up, and hold me up. I will push on no matter the burdens or challenges, because that is who I am, it has taken me almost 30 years to find it, but I am who I am and that is someone I am proud to be. So there is my rant on love and life, it’s for me just as much as others. So thank you for reading it and know that I love you whoever you may be.